Sex, a word considered a taboo in the Church. An act considered shameful especially amongst Singles. A word many Church leaders choose to turn a blind eye to and rather assume an ignorant position when it comes to the singles; the workers. After all, they are committed workers that come to Church every Sunday and for all mid-week services; surely they can not be fornicating. But the truth is, sex (and other forms of immoral acts) is real. It’s happening in the Church; probably more amongst the singles rather than the married.
After a year of avoiding it, I finally sat down to watch the DVD ministration of Juanita Bynum- titled No More Sheets. It is the first preaching I had heard regarding singles (not marriage) in a long time that actually ministered to me; and come to think of it probably one of the best messages I’ve ever heard. Dr. Bynum was real. She was too real. To finally have someone on the pulpit talk about her personal challenges of being single was humbling. It was an awesome experience to see a minister who in the name of saving souls and touching someone put literally every nitty gritty detail of her past and short comings on the table for all to hear. It was a breath of fresh air not to hear someone who regurgitated what the Bible said about sexual immorality but let us know we are not alone; she knows what we’re going through- for she too is going through it as well.
Many singles are tired of singles seminars being held by married men and women of God who just never seemed to connect. Ministers of God who probably did not wait past the ‘right’ age; who did not have to hold on for their life partners. Ministers who probably came to the faith after getting married. Holier than thou ministers who make it seem as if only married people ever had urges/hormones and as a single person they did not struggle to kill the flesh. Ministers who married as virgins. Ministers who after ministering to so called singles will go home and lay down next to their spouses. But with Dr. Bynum, she shared her pain and consequences of her actions with us; and we felt it. It was heart touching. It was nice to hear ‘hold on’ from someone who knows our (singles) struggles and is going through it; someone who is really holding on too. Someone who also had the same thoughts and questions:
- Why am I not married?
- How can I be set free?
- When will I get married?
- When will I get someone to support and encourage me? After all, the Bible does say Ecclesiastes 4:11 (NIV) Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?
Now, why are some of us not married? According to Bynum, it’s because some have been married too many times. When one is intimate with someone, spiritually you marry them. Genesis 2:24 states- For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. So you’re married to all these men/women and you never divorced them; you’re not single!!!!! These people are still in you so there is no room for a wife or a husband. You are still attached to an ex. You know you’re still attached when you see the person and something jumps inside of you; when you're worshiping in the house of God and you have ‘flashbacks’.
Bynum focused on single women. Many women claim that they are ready to get married and yet
- They can't cook. I’m not saying a woman’s place is in the kitchen nor does one need to be a chef, but you should at least be able to put something edible together. Feed your husband. Feed your children good food.
- Their nails are too long to prepare pounded yam, and as Bynum said, your nails are too long to make biscuits.
- They can't do laundry.
- Their bedroom is a mess.
- Their apartment is filthy.
- They CAN NOT pay their own bills.
- They don’t grasp the concept of being submissive or the meaning of respect.
- Or they are too needy
In regards to being needy, some cultures have misguided both men and women by making them to believe that a ‘boyfriend’ is meant to cater for every single need of a ‘girlfriend’. Women pride themselves on all the material things that their bf has given them from the tampons they use to the clothes they wear and to the vacation trips abroad. Many have a misconstrued definition of a woman’s role in a relationship. A woman is to be helpmate; not a cash slot- like that of a casino. When you get married, what are you bringing to the table? Is it high credit card bills; is it 200 pairs of shoes; a box of make-up? These are not qualities of a helpmate. Get yourself together and stop looking for a rescuer. You are a major responsibility. Get out of debt. Bynum went on to say, God will bless you according to your integrity, not how beautiful you are, not how big certain parts of your body are, nor how sexy you look. A helpmate is a helper, not a devourer. Remember, nothing goes for nothing. When a man spends on you, there is a silent agreement or contract where he has the rights to touch or have sex with you in exchange for the material gifts.
When we don’t involve God 100% in choosing our spouse and we choose ourselves, we choose someone who at that point in time meets our requirement and most often than not- rocks our world. And then there are those who choose out of desperation or for totally wrong reasons. But when God chooses for you (a single lady), he chooses someone who can accommodate where you’re going.
- A man of God.
- A praying man.
- A fasting man
- A man who loves his wife just as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her.
- A man who loves his mother.
- Respects his female relatives.
- A man who submits to authority and to his pastor.
- A man who understands that if he doesn’t treat his wife right, he should not expect God to remember his prayers.
- A man who can catch his wife in the spirit, in prayer, intercede for her, fast for her and minister to her.
- A real man after Christ’s heart gives life to a woman. Not use her, mistreat her or abuse her.
So that after 5 – 10 years, neither party can say they’ve grown apart.
There is a penalty for every man or woman one sleeps with and as a single person who is looking to get married, you need to be set free from every spirit husband or wife before getting married. All your body parts are all over the world which has to be taken/ called back; and in order to be fully prepared, one has to be in the depth of God that matches the depth of sin or supersedes the depth of sin one has come out from.
- You need to be processed before getting married. Let God purge your spirit, cleanse your heart, and renew a right spirit within you.
- Walk by faith; faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God- Romans 10:17. Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen- Hebrews 11:1.
- Learn to live on the word of God.
- Make God your provider, not man. He is the Jehovah Jireh. Know God rather then get another girlfriend or boyfriend to satisfy your needs.
- Let God prove Himself to you.
- God should be your ultimate joy, not a man, not a woman.
Marriage is not sex. You do not marry for sex. Sex is a ministry; be prepared to minister to your spouse.
No More Sheets is a DVD/CD every adult must watch, both single and married.
